The Topsail Accord by J T Kalnay

Author:J T Kalnay
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Published: 2011-10-15T13:00:00+00:00

Shannon

I love my new routine. I have my sunrise and my coffee and my reading. Then I have my exercise on the beach with Joe and then my shower alone. We have decided that showering together is too much work for not enough return. Also, showering alone heightens the sexual tension and prolongs the gratification. And then there is the gratification...

I thought no man would ever notice me. I am small, not so pretty, with no figure to speak of, and with lines growing daily in both length and depth around my eyes. My black hair has touches of gray that my vanity rinses away once a week. I was sure no man would ever notice me. I was sure they could sense that I had failed my husband, that my marriage was a failure, that I was a failure.

My sister tries to tell me that being a divorced woman is not a failure. But she is on my side, and she is not objective. Even though half of all marriages end in divorce, I’ll bet that if you asked divorced women the overwhelming majority would say that divorce is a failure. I’ll even bet that if you asked divorced men, some of them would say that divorce equaled failure, or that they had failed because they were divorced.

So I was sure no man would notice me, that no-one would notice me. That I could live out my days in my obscure lab doing my obscure research and loving my family as they grew. With the money from the gas and oil wells there was no need to ever go out in public again. No need to ever have a paying job. No need to interact with anyone other than who I picked and chose. And I was certain that I already knew everyone I wanted to know.

Then I met Joe.

He noticed me.

Things have not been the same since. Especially not this January. I have had more sex this January than I think I had my entire married life. Well, I know that’s not true, but I have had more good sex this January than I have had in my entire life put together. Even so, I am leaving after the weekend.

We are going to Wilmington, where I will spend two nights with Joe in a hotel and then I will drive home from there. He will drive himself home. So we will drive separately to Wilmington, do things for Caitlin’s Foundation, and stay in a hotel for two nights. We will sleep together and we will be together.

He has told me that he loves me. I have not reciprocated. Not because I don’t love him, perhaps I do, perhaps I don’t. But because I don’t want to tell him something that he does not need to hear. If my actions and presence don’t say enough, then there are no words that can tell him anything different. I do not owe him any profession of love.

He knows who I am and he knows what we have, what we don’t have, and what we will never have.

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